The Return of my Immortal
by solar.penguin1
Summary: Yes, it's yet another attempt at a parody/sequel to My Immortal. I know it seems like everyone who's into really crappy fiction has already done one, but I thought I'd do one anyway.
1. Chapter 45

No, I'm not Tara Gilesbie. Honest. And you can't prove that I am. It really is just a coincidence that we've never been seem in the same place together at the same time, but that doesn't prove we're the same person in disguise! Okay?

Anyway, this story picks up from the cliffhanger where Tara's epic "My Immortal" ended. It won't make much sense if you haven't read that. It also won't make much sense if you have read that either. In fact, "My Immortal" itself doesn't even make much sense if you have read it.

Legally, I'm probably supposed to add that I don't own the "Harry Potter" franchise, which belongs to J. K. Rowling. But by this point "My Immortal" now has so little in common with "Harry Potter" that there's no point!

(In fact, I'm not even a "Harry Potter" fan. I just don't enjoy kids' stories set in schools. Too many unpleasant memories. So, I probably know even less about HP than Tara did, which makes me the perfect person to continue her work. Or something.) 

**Cahtper 45**

AN im bak wiv mor of mi story. Did u miss me? Soz mr frend Raven cdnt be her to hlep wiv al de riting and da spelin and al dat stuf. I miss u!111 cum bak sooon!111 

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But da beam from mi Ava Kadaver sppell mised Vloximint and hit.. .. .. .. .. .. .. BRITNET the fukcing prep!

"OMFG Eniby!1 Like you've totlaly like killed me!11" she scremed and fell down ded then Loopin did it wiv het crp[se becaues hes a neckphiliac.

And then wile evry1 was loking at dem, da Bark Load garbed me and put his hnad ovr mi mtuh so I culdnt screm or cri out for hlep. (Lik I wud antway! Only preps and pozrs screm lik dat!11 Their al wimps1) anf then he budneld me into the fling car and tok of I and fluew out thru de widow dat had arleady ben brocken when Snap had floan in.

"Let me go you fcuking pozr pepr!111" I yeld sexily now mi nouth wz free.

"But am I a porser or a perp?" hes asked. "Remember in the Norse's office, thine saweth me criing te\rz of blood. Only a goffick goff canst do dat, thee knoweth"

"Yeah, that puxled mr too," I adited derpesessedly. "Only tru goffs even konw about it. And prep or poser who even sees da balck tearz foregts about dem imidaitely after dey stop cing dem again." (AN dats hoe Dumblydoor didnt kno about teraz of bold when he saw Prof Sinster cring dem, evn tho hed seen me do it in da Forbiben First erlier. C al u falmers dis stroy duz mk sense so there!111)

"So after id crid thoes tearz of blood I wz confuzed." Volcement continued, "A knew abut them arleadt because I hadst gone threw a goff phaze in my youth as thy knoweth only to well, So I qiuckky realised dat some1 must be tring to chonge histtoy to keep me goffick. I wneteth back in Tim, kidnped my past slef, and tok his palce, and wated to se what heppenth. I shuld hast known it woud be thou, Emojy!""

"OMFS!11 Youve kindaped Satan!111" I yielded flirtily "Were is he you bastrad?"

"I shalt tell thou if thee doesth one thing for me."

"Wat?" I aksed.

"Thou dont knoweth? Canst thee gess?"

"Eww!11 You sick perv! No way (geddit like Gerald) im dong THAT for you!" And I slaped him acros his face were his nose wud be if he had 1 but he dint hav 1 bcos he has no nose!

*** To be cotnimueed ***


	2. Chapter 46

**Cjapter 46**

 **AN** _wat no reviows yet? I had hopped their wuld b sum evn if dwy just flammed cuz ppl didnt fink dere shud b a squeal to "my Immotsal". Iso wher r al u ppl? Has da Dork Lord kiled u al? Cum on pls revue!111_

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I ws still in da filing car with Voldammort, and we wer just starting to fli abov da Forbidding Frost!111

"Not that," sighed Voldwmort with that dude-u-r-so-retarded look upon his face. "I wantest thy to do the same thing I always wanteth thy to do: killeth Hary Potter."

"But if u want him ded, u culd of kiled him urself back in da Grate Hall just now" I epxlained wisely.

"I dont wanteth him dedd. I wantest thou to kill him" he mansplained poserly.

"But why me/"

"Its cos there art a prophesy that u will bda only 1 to killeth either him or me"

I lissened more carefuly becuz I like prophesies. Prof Sinister teaches dem in her Definition clas and shes my fave teaecher. "Me? r u shure?"

"Wel, the descirption fitteth either thou or Any Lee from Effervescent, and its not gonna be her bcos she art muggle. And when thee hath killed 1 of us, da other 1 shall becum immortal. And that art gonna b me!1"

"No!1111 im not making u my immortal _(geddit)_!" I yielded angerly.

"If thee doth not, thy will never seethe thou belovd Satan again." He trust anozzer gun into my hand. "Taketh this and use it!"

"Ill usew it all rigt!" I shooted and then I shooted the gun at him. But e was 2 quick 4 me, and he spun da stering weel round and da car spun round and I fell out da door.

I ws fslling down, faster fastr, and I new I wuld brake evry bone in ma body when I hit da ground. (im a vampier so it wudnt kil mi but it wuld hurt a lot and take me a long long tim to recovr.)

Luckly da car had been filing ovr the Forbiden Forest at da tim, and I landed safe in 1 of da treez braking mi fall. I lokked aruond and saw it ws da same tree dat I had lost my virility to Drsco in. I new bcoz of da tire marks in da leafs. After finking abut those hapy memorys for a while I thoght abouth what Vokdemort had told me and I began to cry teas of blood which stremed down my farce.

I new da porphecy had to be worng. Most prophesize r wrong. Even Notsardamus da greatist prophecier of al Tim was sumtimes wong. I wrote an assay about dat for my Deviation class and it was the only time ive evr finnished an essat and got gud marks for it, so I new wat I was tlaking about (xcpet I wasnt talkin I was thinkin but u no wat I mean and its al da same rly!)

So I put the gnu in mi pocket and stated to clim down da forbiden tree. It ws hard wrok and da twigs and bratnches al kept cacthing on mi cloves and riped holez in mi panyhose. But I dint mind bcuase mi patnyhose wasnt mine it was da hot pink pantyohse dat Mary MacFlis blak tim machine had given me. As I climed I saw dat da tree was a fruit tree becuz dere was fruits hanging on it (we lernedd dat in advnaced Biology wen we wernt lerning how to turn petagrams into guitars) I remebered dat I hadnt eaten anyfing since breakfast so when I reeched da bottom I picked some of da fuit and 8 it.

But it was forbiden fruit _(geddit)_ from da forbiden forest and no soonr had I eaten it than a strange dark sleep came over me and I lay on the ground and had a srange dark dream dat I wasnt a real goff but a poser who smeled of mint a cinnamon and my best frend was a tlaking panda. The dream went on and on and on and i cudnt wake up.


	3. Chapter 47

**Chapta 47**

 **AN:** _I still havnt gotten ane reviowz, and u kno i dnut like to cuntinue wiv me stroy nless i get 5 god reveiws! So hear r mi own god reviwes:_

 _JEHOVA - An al popose god dat duz a bit of evryfing but duznt specilaise in doing nefing well. Perfict if ur da kind of booring preppy looser who only wnts 1 god -_ **1/10**

 _PAN - Has goats legs whitch is kinda goffik kuz goata are a goffik animal, but he palys borin sth Amrican music on doze pipes wich is kinda prep -_ **5/10**

 _ODIN - Da most goffik god. He has ravenz (geddit like raven - I miss u grl) and an iPatch (tho you cant lizzen 2 music on it) and hes a Norse (geddit like da Norses office) -_ **8/10**

 _FLAVIA - Calls herslef da god of bad assery and sayz shes a goffik, but da only goffik god of bad assey is Satan so whats she talkin about. Shes a pozr and a besides shes a godes not a god so she dozent count -_ **0/10**

 _SATAN - God of cuttin and MCR and goffs. Da only god a tru goff needs. Even more goffic than odin and he da most goffick eva. -_ **11/10**

 _Their, dats it. nOW on wiva da sotry. An if u wamt 2 ad sum god reviows of ur own den fel free!_

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When I wok up it was da neckst (geddit cos im goffik) morning and da limpid s8unlite was filtring down thru da trees. Lukilly even tho im a vampier sunlite dosent hurt me, it just makes me feel week like like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

.So, I ran all the way vack to da skull as qick as I could. All the other studnets were in class, so dere was no 1 to see how messy I was, wiv all my cloves torn and scarcthed. I must of looked lik a real poser!111 I ws suppozed to be in math class but thats hard and boring so I skipped it and went 2 my room to change.

On da way (AN geddit like Gerund) I was thinkingabout what 2 were. Maybe a black corset with matching lace around it and a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end, and high heeled boots that were black. Or maybe a black top with red skulls all over it and a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets. Maybe even a black leather dress with slit sides and all this corset stuff on the back and front with ripped red fishnets and my black lace-up boots and matching fishnet on my arms. And I was gonna paint my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner then put on some black lipstick.

But I didnt do any of that becuz when I got into my room their was some1 waiting ther for me. It was…...Britney dat fukking prep!11


End file.
